| Relationships and Spirituality The place to look for faith based solutions. |
Yesterday, 07:28 PM
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| Registered User ?Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: usa Posts: 8 | I really have given up hope. I feel like I pretty much bought into a lie. I am really thinking marriage is pointless in 2012. Love is a farce. I mean look at me, all the people on these boards, who have been hurt, are misreable. Whats the point? Im posting this in this forum, because unfourtunatley, I cant help but to see things from a biblical perspective. Why do so many people fail at truly caring for others? Please dont give me some mushy spiritual bull****. I only want honest answers. As a woman, a "christian" woman, I thought there were certain things I was supposed to expect from a christian man. like love, care, tenderness, protection, provision. I mean, what man in 2012 does that anymore? Christian or not? Honestly, it seems like christian man are worse to me. At least you know what you getting with an unbeliever. I mean really, even biblically, it seems that women were only seen as property. A fresh beautiful virgin was praiseworthy, and coveted. But you even have instances of multiple wives, where one was loved more than the other. And to be honest, the only value women in the old testament seem to have was to be screwed, bear children, and raise them, be replaced by somthing young and fresh and eventually die. I mean I guess I would be okay with that, if my owner properly suppled my living needs. but in 2012, men ARE NOT the providers. Its like women have to take the roles of men, still be a woman, weather you want to or not. Ie carry breast, have periods, birth and raise children, work, forgive, stay attractive, ect. While men seem really only obligated to work, weather it is enough to provide for their families or not. Women are no longer cared for and provided for, In a lot of cases, they are somtimes the main provider. meanwhile, we have to be understanding of the bull**** reasons men betray, leave, cheat, get tired of us ect. I am seriouse here. It seems like the only real value i have as a woman, is pleasing a mans visual, and sexual satisfaction. Without the guarauntee of his continual care. At least the men in the bible who treated women, like there cattle, were obligated to provide for them. Even if they had multiple wives. Today some men cant, or wont even take care of one wife. It just all seems pointless, when you can be cheated on, abandend, forsaken in the in. Whether you have the mans children or not. Than are told to a) accept it, b)get over it, c) move on, and hopefully some other God like man will be interested in your used up self, until he gets tired of you also. But hey whatever the turn out, nothing here on earth matters anyways, because heaven is all that counts. Really? |
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Yesterday, 09:11 PM
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| Banned ?Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In an igloo. Posts: 2,168 | Why would you be okay with being impregnated and then dumped for a hot young thing, if it meant all of your material needs would be provided for? Do you think men want a woman with this mindset? I'm sorry that you feel that "love is a farce" but I can tell you that such a negative and materialistic attitude pushes good men away. My husband provides for both of us and sends me to school because we both want me to achieve my potential. I have no interest in being supported financially for all of our marriage because I want to be able to take care of myself, no matter what happens to our relationship. There are many SAHM's on this forum who are supported by husbands, as well as men who are the main breadwinners. Love is far more than being supported financially though. You speak of being "taken care of" a great deal; how would you take care of a decent man? A good marriage is about give and take. I have dated "Christian" men in the past who attended church yet had premarital sex and lived very dishonest lives. Of course, Christian men are just normal imperfect human beings. We hold Christians to higher standards because of their religion. Do you think that women never abandon or cheat on men? I truly find your words to be very sexist, mercenary and anti marriage. I am not insulting your personality, since I do not know you but I am disturbed by some of the messages in your post. If you want to find a good partner, work on becoming the kind of person you would like to meet. Don't wait for a man to support you financially; work on being independent so that you can choose a man rather than need him. Try not to make negative and generalizing statements about men when you meet them. I was blessed because I was very bitter about men when I met my husband. He saw the chip on my shoulder came from being disillusioned and hurt in the past by terrible men. With love and patience, my husband is teaching me what true love and trust is about. |
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Yesterday, 09:30 PM
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| Registered User ?Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: usa Posts: 8 | Okay, so i wanted to get inpregnated? Really? Its a fact that if you are married and have unprotected sex, chances are you will get pregnant. But isnt that what the safety of marriage is for. Hell yes im a little bitter. Guess what, believe it or not, I was a damn good wife. That didn't stop my husband from doing what he did. Whats the point of holding christians to a higher standard, if they wont hold themselves to one? It never crossed your mind that maybe some women arent as "indepenendent" and capable of taking care of themselves, because they have spent years being good wives, setting things aside, to allow their husbands to get ahead, only to be screwed in the end. I guess i should be faulted for that. Yeah i am a little sexist, because my sex is female. Al that lovey dovey bull your typing will fall by the wayside, once your betrayed. Hopefully not. At any given point you make some kind of sacrfice to be married. And it truly sucks, that there really seems to be no commitment to this. Especially in a day in age , where everyone is so capable of taking care of themselves. Dont give me that bullcrp line about "work on yourself, so that you can have the spouse of your dreams". So that would mean everyone on this site who has been abanded, or betrayed, somehow attracted that, because of some character defect they have. Lets get real. everyone is getting somthing out of the marriage commitment, yours just dosent happen to be financial provision.whatever it is you obviously feel the need for it or you would not be married. Or its just because, you only want to love someone else I never said there were not any no good women, thats just not the topic I wanted to vent about, or get some other perspectives on. |
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Has nothing to do with some want or need you have. Sure. |
Today, 11:14 AM
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| Registered User ?Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: usa Posts: 8 | You know, somtimes I feel like Job, when I listen to peoples response, to my frusteration about my situation. Its all some how my fault, and if I was just an indepent, birthcontroll, pill popping, smart woman of the 2oth century. This would have never happend to me. Because God knows that all births here on this earth are planned. And every woman should be completely fine with the option of taking false hormones/chemicals, to protect themselves from being "impregnated' by their "husbands". God forbid if you have any feelings other than "pessimistic" happiness, Or defeated sadness, when you face situations, that are awful. Because God forbid you hold anyone to accountability, or trust them. You have to have it all planned out right? sigh. As hard as it may be for some to believe, I am supporting, myself and our children, pretty much alone. And its damn hard, but guess what, I hold myself to a higher accountability, and im going to walk out my commitment as a mother, and not cheat on th em, and try to replace them with other children. Abandon them then tell them they should have had a back up plan. Thank you to the one person who offerd words of encouragement. Your prayers are greatly appreciated.
Last edited by TrueLovely; Today at 11:20 AM. |
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Today, 11:28 AM
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| Member ?Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 3,735 | I too hold Christians to my interpretation of Christian standards, and in my judgement most fail at it, worse than even I (whom no longer considers himself Christian). But even though I don't share the religious convictions of believers, I do hold myself to the christ-like morals and values I was raised with - and yes I know this means not judging others. I don't get caught up in literal interpretations anymore, but I also get disturbed by those who profess them yet don't seem to act within the larger realm of kindness, forgiveness, compassion and honesty. Whatever, just live the way YOU believe you are meant to. As for marriage, apart from whatever religious reasons you have, the only sensible reason to legally wed in my opinion is to raise children in one cohesive family. Of course others have their own reasons... |
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Today, 12:15 PM
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| Registered User ?Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: usa Posts: 8 | You know, thats the understanding im trying to come to. Is what we been sold about marriage a lie. I mean all the mushy gushy loving feelings aside. Because the proof is on these boards as to how laong that really last. I wont feel like I did somthing wrong by believing that it was not a sin to have children while I was ''MARRIED''. And what is the obligation of each person to each other and to the children in the marriage. I mean if its everyone taking care of their own needs and supporting themselves, I guess the only reason would be to have children? But peolple dont even get married to do that now. What is the point of marriage, I ask again? If you cannot feel safe and depend on that person for certian wants and needs? Even the firs response to my post, claimed her other half was supporting and helping her with her education. Why accept that from him if we are all supposed to be self sufficiant? Why even honor the commitment of marriage if i can just do everything all willy nilly in the first place. Ad not have the possible hurt of betrayal, of a lie? I dont know, just trying to understand. Also you have babes in Christ who are learning that what we learn in the bible does not really matter anyway. because everyone has their own standards, and what you do to others dosent matter, because, its their fault if they arent pessimisticly happy, and move forward with their lives in the aftermaths. When that message is a complete contradiction, to the Gospel. People get hurt, people are angry. people want to believe in people. |
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Today, 12:27 PM
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| Member ?Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 356 | Quote:
Remember, forgiving is not about forgetting. It is not for the forgiven, but for the forgiver. We must learn from the past or we cannot become more Christ-like. Sometimes, the only kindness I can show is what I do for myself. Selfish, but I am learning to love myself again. If I love my neighbor the way I love myself, an I am not treating them well, I need to love myself more. I fail every day. I will continue to do this until the day I die. Hopefully, along the way, I will continue to improve myself and show it in my actions. In the mean time, I will continue to ask forgiveness. | |
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Today, 02:46 PM
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| Forum Supporter ?Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: USA Posts: 5,518 | Quote:
We are all human, have weaknesses , flaws, there is no perfection in this life... but this is OK too! Sometimes religion only = a guilt and shame trip for many -which makes them further HIDE their flaws so others will not judge... and this is just no good, it is a pandering to be something we are not -for the acceptance of others. It is best to carry yourself as a man or woman of integrity & character in what we say & how we act as best we can in this life & own our failings before men, if we let anyone down, leave that gift at the alter & go humble thyself and Make it right... this is what God wants of man - the Golden Rule.... this is my religion... I like to keep it simple. I don't feel one requires a Supernatural belief to live like this.... .. though it does help HOW we view life & love....and being around good people -encourages our actions & outlook on life. Many scriptures I LOVE in the Bible.... I strive to live by them, I teach my kids to live by them.... I see great wisdom in many Proverbs, also the Book of Ecclesiastes. All that you have mentioned in your opening post TrueLovely -about how women were "used" / abused in the Old Testament...I agree with you, I also REJECT such teachings the way they are written, it puts a very bad taste in my mouth...anyone with reason , if they take these things to heart , should have some questioning to the INTENT ... how it seems to = laws written by MEN - with some selfish desires going on, I also reject how Slavery was just OK... if this was from a Holy God.. ...we must admit that men & women are NOT created equal ... I simply can not buy this, it makes me look upon God in a BAD light. Frankly I see more Justice on the Declaration of Independence over the Old Testament ! I am one of those on TAM that absolutely loves being married, all the Romance & togetherness that it entails... but we are very compatible ....(had we married someone else, we may have a different story to tell, this I believe)... We were together for 8 long yrs before we walked down the aisle.. (I was just 15)....we knew each other like the back of our hand at that point.....we both have our flaws, my husband is a bit of a Nice Guy (but I will call him genuine) ...naturally on the passive side, the peacemaker type...the type of man most women overlook in their youth -as they seem to jump for the ALpha boys into sports & have many female conquests. I married a very loving man, kind, compassionate, giving (just insert the Fruits of the spirit here)... he amazes me many times... he has the same temperament as Mother Teresa, maybe this explains it ! Great Father, faithful to his every word, honest, I couldn't ask for more (even though I have !)...hey, we are human, after all ! ** I attempted a thread trying to touch on where I feel, from all the reading & contributing I have done on this Marriage forum .... many miss it in dating/ in early marraige ....where the roots of a breakdown begin -then slowly fester growing out of control..... Experts say the top 3 reasons are >>> 1. Communication 2. Sex 3. Finances ...but also Love Languages so out of whack, it causes great frustration, a spouse being passive aggressive, even differences in religion can cause chaos & endless fights, children, so many many things.... Let's face it... we are all SELFISH.... so best to be matched with another who has the same selfish desires in this life. That is my prescription for marriage these days -if one wants to take the plunge. Take time, get to know each other & each's vulnerabilities, deepest dreams, passions..and weaknesses, can we live with those... do they fit into our future as well..... make sure red flags are not missed in the heated beginning months of a relationship - where the dopamine is flowing & hormones are raging...and listen to the warnings of those who are wise. True Lovely, what were your issues ?? ....or was you completely and utterly blindsided by a man who FAKED who he was, hid himself from you - cheated on you... betrayed you? Was there any signs , red flags ?? Thread link below >> | |
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Today, 03:26 PM
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| Member ?Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 356 | Have to agree with quite a bit of what you are saying SA. The big 3 there were, as far as I know, what helped to ruin my marriage. Many more things as well. I do not even know all the things which contributed. Many were hidden from me to protect me while I was not capable of understanding or for that matter, doing anything about them. Others were contrived by the folks that wanted to gain from my the demise of my marriage, I suspect. No one will ever know the full truth. We each will have our own truth. The two of us will never speak again. Those things we believe about the other will always be twisted by hearsay and misinformation. Such is life. My posts were not written to confuse or fool anyone. I have only the best intentions. If I am incorrect, it is because my thinking isn't correct and I need called out. Good luck to you. |
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Source: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-spirituality/58109-whats-point-marriage-2012-a.html
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